The lies are the worst for me too. I can’t stand it. The deceptive behaviours… everytime he’s about to get high, meet with dealers or other addicts, I can feel it in my bone before it happens and without him saying a word, being with me or not. Even just watching him walking to the bathroom, I can tell if he’s about to snort something or really just using the loo. It makes me sick. I caught him again recently with a straw up his nose; when he pretended he needed to “use the bathroom.” I love him and I’m staying, that’s my choice. I could leave, it would be simpler, but I decided not to. We went through too much already. He just relapsed after several months of being clean. He has been struggling for 10 years now. He was also mixing alcohol before but stopped, except for a few episodes of mixing drugs with liquour, but other than that he does usually stay on his prescribed meds; except for the occasional relapse (which usually includes a cocktail of drugs and liquour). But he has done much better. So recently he just relapsed again. And it is hard to deal with. It ain’t cocaine but it’s the same lies and same abusive behaviour. We don’t have children and don’t want any, long as he is this way.
