I have a heavy heart reading this. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope that one day you will find some peace. Life can be very cruel at times, and I understand the feeling of having enough of lifes stressors – that’s way to much to deal with. I can imagine what you felt was fear and terror. It’s traumatizing to say the least so of course you’re sitting in a dark place, who wouldn’t be. You are a very brave person to reach out and help your granddaughter, especially with you carrying so much pain around. Hold onto her and each other. I would imagine you all need to grieve as a family for your daughter, so I wonder if that could be something you might consider. Maybe family support groups for grieving relatives.
Alcohol never really takes the pain away, it makes it so much worse, I only wish people would understand that.
I’m here if ever you need to talk.
Take good care of yourself.