you can’t just switch off, it’s a process you go through.. you will get to where you need to be.. but it won’t happen overnight. You go through your own process.. I’ve done it.
Don’t lie to cover up for him.. that’s important. Always be honest, at least to yourself. It’s not weak to say you’d have him back, if that’s the truth. No one has the right to judge you.
My partner has just received funding to go into a residential rehab so he has a chance… but that’s all it is, a chance. I don’t kid myself it will cure him. I’m at the stage of my own journey where I’ve accepted how powerful addiction is, and that it’s not something to take personally.. if my partner cannot beat it, we can never have any kind of relationship. But it’s taken me two years to get to where I am.. after a lot of manic behaviour, stress, anxiety, depression and nearly losing my sanity and health.
As I said, you will get there, so don’t be harsh on yourself. Just remember to value yourself, it will make it easier to make tough decisions.