Thank you all for listening to me and sharing. Everything you say rings true to me. It’s feels better to talk to someone, I’m not ready to do that in person. I have sick, elderly parents & a business to run…. even my dogs had an op. Seriously sometimes I could actually laugh about it all if it wasn’t true. He has managed 2 days no coke or alcohol and has actually helped round the home and got out of bed. It’s the bad temper which I am having trouble with. I feel angry and am trying not to snap. This year has been so bad for everyone, it’s hard to just escape for a while. We are doing sober October together. Before all of this I loved my sport and art. I think this is why I feel so bad. Must have put a stone on during covid! He has gone to see his family for a few hrs. I am going to relax, have a last glass of wine. I think I need to change, I’m not who I was years ago before all this and I don’t want to be who I am now. Their behaviour and lifestyle affects us. I don’t think I should let it. its bad dreading someone coming home. how do partners cope? I can’t help blaming him even though he’s trying now.
