Hi Jsnicker7
Welcome to the forum. I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself. You’ve made a good start so far, you’ve joined the forum and admitted that you have an alcohol problem!
I understand that things have been difficult for you and that alcohol is not helping, but is probably making things worse for you.
I’m sorry to hear that you lost your mum, that must be hard for you.
You’ll find lots of support and advice from others on the forum, read the other threads too. Don’t be alone with your troubles.
I have a son your age who has cocaine and alcohol addictions.
So I know every day is a struggle for you.
I would suggest you see your doctor and let them know how you’re feeling. My son went along/or online to AA meetings, you’ll meet people going through the same issues and perhaps get a contact or sponsor who will help you through the program they do.
I think it will be a comfort for you to know you’re not alone.
I’m sure that once you get the help you need everything else will fall into place for you.
Stay strong and remember to seek advice and support.
I wish you well
Lx