Bless you, it’s a crap situation but you should look at the positives.
At least if you are not allowed any contact it gives you a chance to rebuild your life with your kids without him constantly mess it up and he is not dragging you down with him. He has made his choices and now has to face the consequences.
I think that is part of the problem with my husband there are never big enough consequences for his actions to make him stop and care.
It sounds silly but sometimes I wish people would tell me what to do and take control of it all. As long as we have our kids we can get through anything.
You are stronger than you think and are definitely not the bad person in the situation.
Tomorrow could be the start of a whole new chapter for you and your kids. Grab it with both hands. Xx