I know how you feel. It’s the lying, the secrets, the disappearing and the empty promises. Am in the same boat. I thought the birth of our baby would change things, would give him a new perspective but unfortunately this isn’t the case. He even went on a binge the day our baby was born and was trying to deny it. Eventually he admitted it, but to me that is just something that I hope our child will never find out.
My partner is the most loving person when he has a clear head but can turn into a right a*hole once he used a bit. And it doesn’t take long for him to get to the “f**k it” stage and go on a mad one. It doesn’t help that all his mates are on it as often as they can and they take advantage of him and make him get the gear for all of them.
I know it is an illness, but I made it clear right from the beginning of our relationship that I have zero tolerance when it comes to drugs. I did not know how bad it was until we moved in together. Many sleepless nights, lots of crying and begging on my part, trying everything to help him but still nothing. I feel like I tried everything. We to counselling with him, was angry and shouting at him, was supporting, helping him, was understanding, etc. As soon as I started to trust him a little bit something happened and he was using again. For me this is the worst part, that I can’t trust him. “Just popping out to wash the car”, “just going for a drive as I need a bit of me time” etc.
Does your partner promise to be better, to change and not use anymore? And turn into a nasty person who you don’t even recognise when he is on it? It’s like they have two personalities.
I hope things will get better for you as it is horrible to deal with this when you have children involved as well. Stay strong for your children and take care of yourself.