Coco1212, what is normal anyway? And thanks. I agree, I usually have more control though.
How does he even know his dealer?
You mentioned inheritance, did this start at the time he lost a parent? The death of my bfs mum doesn’t account for his initial intro into that world, but it accounts for the increase in severity of it in a major way. Things were getting better for us just before covid hit because he was just coming to terms with her death. Loss affects us all in different ways, that kind of f-it attitude. Would he or have either of you at any point considered counselling? My bf didn’t go down that route, but I think he paid for that in time instead.
And I’m perhaps like you, I’m not from that world either. We all know people who have dabbled, we’ve all been in situations where we could’ve done that ourselves, sometimes I think we all need something to cling on to, with your bf maybe that was the heroin, that dealer sabotaged him and made it way too easy. So easy that it wasn’t much of a decision for him to carry on. I think that’s the case with my bf, in that it’s too easy for him to carry on. Most people might label my bf a really bad man, he’s had drugs entwined in his life from early on, it’s all pretty much accountable, a lot of bad things he wasn’t responsible for touched his life and I believe he made that decision to cling to crack. He likes it. Like a bad friend he can’t let go of. This probably doesn’t show me in a good light because unlike you, I’ve known about my bfs addiction always, even when we got together, because in varying degrees it’s always been there. I’ve lost friends because they were so against me being with him. There’s a lot to explain in terms of trying to have someone understand it and where my mind was at when we got together, but ultimately, for me, my bf supported me and understood me in ways no one else ever has. He was almost an addiction in himself, I’ve read since that people with addictions are in themselves very addictive personality’s, that’s true for my bf and I. This is our normal, even though he wants to redefine what normal is in reality, a world without drugs he says. You’ve at least known what your bf is like without the influence of an addiction, I think although we’re in similar positions, fighting for the same cause, elimination of this from our lives, for me, sorry to say I chose to be here. You might say I’m crazy, so many people do, Id actually like to know what you think tbh, because I know I’m not crazy, I met someone with an equally unusual past and decided to fight to clean our world (mutually) than to cut him out of mine and regret it. I hope that makes at least a little bit of sense.
I was someone to judge a person like me, before I became myself.
Coco1212, are you fighting to regain the way your life and relationship was before his addiction? Because personally, sorry to say, I don’t think you’ll totally ever get that back. Life will settle, it always does, even if it’s not in the way we necessarily want or expect, but that’s ok. Human nature allows us to fight for a better slice of the world for ourselves to occupy. Provided you are focused on what makes you happy, dispelling the bad and keeping the good, and I know you are, then you’ll find that balance and tranquillity again with time. It’s inevitable, don’t lose hope. Xxx
For me I guess I’m trying to establish where that limit to my fighting his addiction with him ends and is it worth it? Obviously at the start of every little hurdle and battle, I’m still in the YES camp, but it’s always in the back of my mind, I am closer to having the means to get a place of my own anywhere I wish, and I think, when I have that available to me totally, will I jump ship?! Will I use that as my big pivot to just abandon our life together as we know it and am I closer to it, or closer to finding beating it with him. Which will come first?! Only time will tell and until then, I’ll keep fighting.
Love to all for the first weekend of the second lockdown. Xxxx