I couldn’t not reply.
I feel for you. I can hear your heart breaking.
I have learnt one thing on my own personal journey with my husband. You need support, you need counselling. I wasn’t one for that, I have never had professional help before finding out I had been married to a occasional drug user for 21years.
I cried and cried. I broke into pieces but had to draw my own boundaries. Once I sorted that it made everything clearer.
But after 6 months of sessions I have learnt and I now believe –
This is not your fault
This is not your demons
You cannot help
They only help themselves and on their own terms
Many will tell you not give ultimatums – they don’t work.
But I did exactly that to my husband and have been testing him every two days. He has been clean 6 months.
I know now if he fails even one test I will walk away.
But this has taken me months to get to this strength. Be kind to yourself but be truthful with yourself! Never sacrifice your own happiness for his.
I hope I have helped x