I totally understand how you feel. We have been together for 3 years and there has been so many things, so much pain. But there have been good times too when he wasn’t using and he is the most caring person. But coke completely changes him. He has never been physically abusive but very much verbally. Then it’s all my fault, I am the one who is driving him to use, I am the one who is trying to control him, am the one who has a problem because everyone does coke and I should just accept him as he is,he is not an a**hole, I could never find a better guy, etc. But when he is on it, he is an a**hole, a rude idiot who only cares about sniffing as much s**t up his nose as possible.
I once filmed him while he was on it and showed him when he was sober. He was very ashamed but still got on it a couple weeks after. And am sorry but this “everyone is doing coke” doesn’t work with me. Well if everyone is jumping off the bridge, will you too?! Honestly I just wish I could talk some sense in him. Although I must admit that he is now clean for over two weeks and I am finally starting to see the guy I met and fall in love with. He’s now more focused on his work and our son so I am really hoping he will get back on track and stay away from this horrible drug.
He’s trying to do it alone but I would like him to get a sponsor because when things get tough I think it would be beneficial for him to talk to someone who knows exactly how he feels. Don’t get me wrong he can talk to me any time but I might not be able to say the right thing or give advice on something that I have never experienced.
I hope that things will change for all of us here because we don’t deserve to be treated as we are, we don’t deserve watching our loved ones killing themselves in front of us.
I know how you feel about not talking to anyone about this issue. I was the same, hiding the problem, feeling down and depressed and sad all the time and on top lying to everyone and covering for him. But I can openly share my feelings here and it helps me. I know am not alone with the problem, unfortunately coke is a drug that is considered normal, everyday drug just like weed.
Stay strong and am here to talk if you need to. We all are.