I so feel for you, the guilting you out and all the false promises and with a young baby too. Believe it or not but my ex-husband was on it for 8 years and I had no idea! Only when he had a psychotic meltdown and accused me of an affair I never had! For all the abuse I got I bloody wished I had as at least then I would have deserved it. There is a very good author called Melodie Beattie. She writes for people like us who become what is known as co-dependent mainly as a reaction to the crazy behaviour and trying to control the uncontrollable! Look her up and have a read. It’s good to try and understand our emotions and try to focus on ourselves rather than them. I will always love the man that once was who I met 20 years ago. But he is changed forever. Cocaine use, combined with daily weed smoking as I have now found out does irreparable damage. The man who once said I was his soulmate now hates me and has paranoid delusions that I am competing with him. He still goes out of his way to do unkind things to me for no reason. All I can say is I am glad I divorced him and have the majority care of our two boys, they only stay two nights a month. My boys are safe and after two years now quite happy. I bought him out of the family home. The money I gave him paid off his £53,000 debt (this is a man who earned £75,000 pa) but he has no savings, he has nothing. He lives in a two bed flat on his own. Annoyingly two minutes up the road from me. But at the end of the day, at least I have security and so do my boys. If I hadn’t got divorced he probably would have carried on and we would have lost our house. My head kicked in and did what it had to do. My heart, that will be forever broken, that betrayal never goes away, and seeing the person you love become lost through drugs is probably on a par with seeing someone you love disappear through dementia. They are never the same again. I wish all of you still going through this lots of love, hope and strength. You come out the other side a different person, I’m more compassionate and a hell of a lot more laid back. That loss never goes away as it feels such a waste, but you do learn to live with it. Sending lots of love and positive vibes xx
