Coco1212, that is the worst! I am so sorry to hear that, I really do feel for you, at least you sound level headed, I admire that.
That’s the thing, this is his lifestyle choice. I have no doubt that he does care about you and the kids, he’s just making other lifestyle choices not conducive to a relationship, with you or the kids. Oddly this is one of the first things my bf said to me when we met, he knew who he was, what his priorities had been in the past, I do think he got very tired of that. He’s always lived addiction craziness, but right before we met it was several years of intense crazy. Is it a form of invasive prolonged self-harm. His age and the goodness in our relationship I think is finally making him choose how he wants to spend his days/years (if he has them) from now on, he’s definitely aware of his own mortality. Lastly, I think he knows more than ever the harm he’s done to his body.
He’s also being really open lately; a few weeks ago we were sat in the car in traffic and suddenly he casually dropped in something horrific that happened, he said something like “at that moment I did think what have I done” – I just sat and listened, he knows how awful he’s been. He did the time for it. Has your guy ever been to prison? I hate to say it, but maybe that’ll be the big shock he needs.
I don’t have the answers for you or your guy, I can’t tell you what will happen next or when it will end, but it sounds like he’s not ready for it to end. You’re doing the right thing, you’re keeping a clear head, putting yourself and your kids first and you’ve got my full support in that. Xxx