Coco1212, you’ve hit the nail on the head, such control. Almost to the point of the unconscious selfishness I think, addiction cannot be underestimated. It’s almost like having a controllable way to feel good. How accurate that is I don’t know, but that’s the way I see it.
My boyfriend never answers the phone when he’s doing it either, it’s like he’s hiding and is pretending he’s ‘too busy to miss the call’, but by not answering my calls I know what he’s doing. I let him come to me now, I gave up trying to speak to him.
Things really are going from strength to strength now for my bf, I kinda almost feel guilty about the good change in him, literally every day he’s telling me something I’ve tried to tell him myself. (And when I say try, I mean try.)
He told me all of the following today, that he is acknowledging/needs to –
. Stop being angry about the damage to his teeth and stop the thing that’s damaging them
. The same behaviour doesn’t give a different outcome
. 30 years of partying is enough
. Start finding other ways to feel good
. Lockdown has given him space to think
I couldn’t make it up!
Ironic really, I’ve finally accepted him to the point where I don’t care if he does what he does anymore, it’s his life/his body/his choice and he’s stupid or doesn’t care. I’d decided to live my life and not have his behaviour impact me in any detrimental way. I literally stopped trying to fight his habit and leave him to it. And now he decides is the time to stop! Typical.
Could I of saved myself some agro pain and frustration if I hadn’t tried to fight it for him, who knows. Has he realised that I’d given up on him? I think so.
He also told me today that the “other day” he saw a heroin addict he knows in the street, (I don’t want to scare you with this story, please don’t take this the wrong way) they’re friendly and he stopped to chat, and this guy asked for 25p to buy a drink. This guy has reached that point where he was literally on the street begging for change, on crutches because “Fucked up my legs” he said to my bf. It’s no life, who could choose that life?! If they knew what a life it would be, who would choose it?!!!
Sometimes I think too little is shared about the affects of addiction. Put hardcore lifelong addicts on the TV in front of peoples faces, I wonder what that would do to the minds of those who are starting to ‘dabble’. Shock the world. Controversial, but maybe that’s what we need to see. I don’t know, if I had the money maybe I’d try. I don’t.
Glad you got your car back, what’s happened since, has he been removed from your property?
Does he have any friends and what do they think of all this, have they tried to get through to him too?
Xxxxx