Hi,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You’re not alone. Our stories are all a little different here but ultimately we all love or have loved an addict.
In my limited experience, making threats with no follow through will just allow your boundaries to be repeatedly destroyed.
My relationship wasn’t nearly as long as yours so I understand the unwillingness to risk all that. However, every time I set a boundary but didn’t follow through when it was broken, another boundary was soon broken until I was living a life I didn’t want with a person I didn’t recognise. I walked and he didn’t even fight for me. I know he loved me but unfortunately he loved alcohol and cocaine more.
If you do ask him to leave you must be willing to allow that to happen. An addicts life needs to become uncomfortable enough for them to choose change or indeed relationships over their beloved drug. The codependency we as loved ones foster can make it easier for the addict to continue as they are and for us to be consumed with caring for/worrying for them.
Don’t sit there feeling alone. This whole experience is so very lonely sometimes but these issues are more common than I had ever realised.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck and strength to fight off this sickness.