Oh Coco, that’s heartbreaking. You can’t live by what if. Ive fallen with my bf, but never gone full term, for whatever reason it wasn’t meant to be. I’m certain my bfs habit may be partially if not solely responsible. You made a very brave decision and I encourage you to try and forgive yourself for that. I’m sure you gave it every consideration at the time, I’m sure you did what you decided was best for everyone. Don’t now question your ability to make decisions, I’m sure you’re very level headed, you wouldn’t be able to deal with all this chaos otherwise. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but a scientific study of the bodies of addicts found that the substance they use is found at a cellular level in every single part of their body, including sperm. I’m not sure how viable this is, but that’s what I’ve blamed what happened to me on. As though the delicate biological balance of life just wasn’t right, sorry to get all whimsical, but you know what I mean.
How’s he been this week, how are you doing? My bf has been quiet again, disappearing every night, just like usual. I’m not asking if he’s doing crack again everyday, but he’s got the attitude to suggest he is and he’s been to see his son again a few times this week, which says it all. So close, still so far!
I don’t know about you, but while we’re in this covid world I feel like I’m/we’re just treading water, not really coming or going. Can’t wait for this all to be over, hoping for better times when we all have more to be positive about.
Although saying that, I got a little unexpected bonus from work this week, booked myself in to have my nails done and a hair cut next week, which I’m in real need of. Amazing how long we exist forgetting to look after ourselves!
Coco, reminding you to, if you get the chance, remember to look after yourself xxx
Xxx