Hiya ash2013
Thankyou so much for your reply it really made me stop and think for a moment. For the past 5 years its been nothing but hell. We have a son together and like yourself that is the only reason that I have stuck around for so long. I’m more heartbroken at how it affects our son, he is at an age (5) where he asks questions, wondering where daddy is, when he is on binge and doesn’t come home for days on end. I worry 24/7 live life on eggshells about if he is alive or whether he is cheating or beaten up. The list is endless, even after the nasty comments he comes out with towards me, yet I’ll still offer him coffee or make him dinner. I run around like a headless chicken after him, and it honestly drains me……..when he was clean last year for 3 months he was bliss, but secretly I think he only really did it because he knew I had kicked him out and he thought he had lost me. It saddens me because deep down he can be a loving caring man. I spend most days on my own after finishing work, watch TV on my own, eat on my own…..and then when he’s on a come down he is as moody as hell and just wants food and sex.