Coco1212, thank you, you’re totally right – “ What is he doing to save your relationship?” – exactly! What is he doing?! My bf and I talked about what happened, we were both calm and rational. We’re similar in the way we feel and perceive things, he knew exactly how much he’d hurt me, he talked it through from his view, then let me explain in depth, and he acknowledged what I’d said, said sorry, we’ve moved on.
Do you know what I’ve realised also though, and I’m not sure if you find this too, I’m also shocked I’ve never really reached this point before, but for my boyfriend I often go beyond my own moral and financial boundaries, just to protect him or make him happy. I told him this much.
I’ve also done a lot of reading of other people’s circumstances lately too, it’s terrifying isn’t it. Off the back of that, I’ve asked him something I’ve never really asked in a direct way before. I said “what will it take to make you stop?” Such a simple question. Because at some point sooner or later, and I feel, with how he is these days sadly it’ll be sooner, I believe there could be some really real detrimental consequences of his addiction to his health and/or life. I don’t think I’m the only one to see it either. A girl his son knows (not close, but grew up with) died of an accidental overdose recently. I think it really scared his son, because he told my bf that he really needs to call it all a day. He hasn’t, but oddly out of the blue my bf asked me if someone would know they’re dying. I had no idea what to say, it made it feel extremely worried, but I ignored it and changed the conversation. What could I say?! Yesterday he was calling me asking for some money so he can get on it again. Obviously I declined, as I always do. I don’t know where he got the money from, but I haven’t heard from him today which means he’s on it.
It’s all becoming so so tragic. You’re right also, I don’t want to end the relationship. If I walked away and something happened to him, I could never forgive myself.
Coco, have you seen the post about help, I’m sure that applies to both of us. Xxx
Hope you’re keeping safe and well xxx