Hi Help2020
Welcome to the forum, most people here are fighting addiction or have a loved one who has addictions.
You’ve taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem and want to stop. Be proud of yourself for that. Yes it’s a vicious cycle and you are the one who can stop it
If you read the other threads, click onto ‘share your story ‘ there are many in your position and family members trying to cope.
There is support on the Homepage, as do the Icarus trust who post regularly.
My son is 28 and after 10yrs of alcohol and cocaine use, reached out to us for help. His first call was the doctor, then he joined AA and CA, NA meetings, Currently online. They do a 12 step program, you’ll meet others in similar situations, you all support each other, you’ll get a sponsor.
It’s tough, but with strength and faith and hope you’ll get there.
You should try and confide in a close friend or family member.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed, its an illness, no one should judge you.
You did it for 9 months before, you can try again, people do relapse.
Don’t give up hope, you can turn this around for the best.
What’s the alternative….a miserable life on your own with health issues, lies, debt problems, relationship problems, heartbreak for all involved, including you.
Take care, stay strong
Lx