Hi LLL1234
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, its heartbreaking to hear that anyone has gone through it but especially in your circumstances.
Your husband sounds very much like mine when it comes to the name calling, cheating accusations and general nastiness.
I am very similar to you, I have been with my husband for 22 years and married for 19 with 2 kids.
None of this is your fault or because of you.
He needs to admit he has a problem before he can even start to get the help he needs.
My husband did exactly the same with my parents luckily they knew what he was doing and told him to get help. He even demanded money from them or he would run away with the kids.
Like Coco1212, it scares me that he looks after the kids while you are at work but completely understand how difficult childcare can be and how it would be hard for you to change the situation considering how your husband is.
The physical abuse also scares me. Have you told anyone about it?
Even though I have not got the resources or the courage to do it yet I believe the best thing for us would be to walk away and never look back.
Hopefully I can do this sooner rather than later. I would never stop my husband from seeing my kids but I will not be encouraging, they resent and hate the way my husband treats us as a family.
It breaks my heart to write it but if I knew 22 years ago what I know now I would never have got with him. The bad times are definitely out weighing the good.
It is definitely not your fault if your husband can not deal with the fact you have a past, I think he is using that as an excuse not face his own problems or what he had become.
I know my husband does this and I used to fall or feel guilty when he say that I’m not doing thing right, I say the wrong thing, I say too much, I ‘ve changed and let myself go or that I am a shit wife and mum. From reading things on this on this site I now know its his guilt,shame and his way of manipulating me to get what he wants and try my hardest to ignore him,which is one of hardest things in the world.
Hopefully writing on this site will help you realise you are not alone.
This site has been my saviour over the last few months, I feel less lonely and have realised there are so many of000 us going through similar situations. The support,advice and friendship has really helped me through some dark times.
Just remember that YOU ARE AMAZING and a Brilliant Mum and there is always someone on here if you need to chat and rant. You can not do it for him,however much you want to. He needs to own it and want to get help.
Big hugs and take care of yourself
Xx