Sweetheart, you do not need to go through this on your own. Think about this, what are you getting from him? Anything or nothing?
You are still so young, happiness can be found. Do your parents know? Mine didnt/dont, because I couldnt face telling them.
I remember once I was away at a work event, and I had 43 missed calls in less than 10 minutes because our child had been sick. I was constantly on edge, not able to ever enjoy anything, my mind was preoccupied all the time. You can’t live like that forever.
It definately sounds like you are going through what I was. Its like cocaine addicts have read a book on how to be, and they all follow it! Its remarkable really.
Can you leave? I mean do you rent or own a house with him. I never left because I was worried what he would do, I suspect you feel the same. I’m not ever going to tell you what to do, because all my friends told me to leave, but for some reason I couldnt. I wasnt strong enough. Thankfully now I’m in a good place and so is he, but I wouldnt wish what I went through on my worst enemy.
Could you talk to him when he’s straight, not high and not on a come down? I mean I appreciate those times are few and far between, but thats the only time that he would be in a position to hear anything.
Take care and I’m here xx