It really does sound like you are living a nightmare at the moment. I really do feel for you and I hope you have a support network around you while you’re going through all this.
Over the years I have had an issue with a lot of different substances starting with cannabis and that led me on to amphetamine, exctasy and ketamine I had used cocaine as well when I went on nights out etc but it was in my early 20s when the cocaine became a huge problem for me. I know have a perforated septum basically a big hole in the middle of my nose that led me to be unable to still snort the cocaine and so I progressed onto crack cocaine then finally I started smoking heroin and the crack and heroin are what I fear the most when it comes to relapse.
I still smoke cannabis so I can’t claim to be completely clean and abstinent but it doesn’t have the detrimental effect on my life like the crack and heroin did. I still manage my own business and keep to the responsibilities I am committed to which was almost impossible to do when I was using the class As.
I unfortunately had a breakdown of my mental health and made several attempts at suicide and after a spell on a mental health ward (where believe it or not crack and heroin were still available) I went to rehab in Stockport to get clean and although I have relapsed since leaving rehab the things I learned while I was there are what help to keep me away from class A drugs at the moment. I can quite confidently say that if I were to be offered powder cocaine or any other of the drugs I’ve used before I could refuse them and it wouldn’t be an issue however with the crack and heroin I have to completely remove myself from the people who are involved in any way shape or form with those drugs because I am sure that if I were offered those although I may not have them at the time the mental turmoil it would cause me would be significant and I would possibly end up using again