I’m reading your post, and you are saying all the things I’ve said in the past. You know what I said to myself last Christmas? ‘New year, new start.. I won’t go through this again’ and yet I got to September and went through nearly another year of hell.
You say the problem is she will just let you walk and won’t see it’s her fault and that will be the end of it.. and? Please believe me when I tell you this.. an addict DOESN’T SEE that that they have a problem. You waiting for her to realise it isn’t even half of the battle. I have an addict partner who has finally accepted he is an addict, is waiting to go to rehab, has admitted our relationship break up was his fault.. has he stopped using? NO. He contacted me yesterday to tell me he’s waiting to go, is so sorry for all the hurt he caused and that he would do anything for me. I didn’t reply. But I did leave a present with a friend to give to him .. because I know that to leave him without a card or present on Xmas day would break his heart. But my kindness is no longer weakness. I won’t answer his calls, or his texts. I don’t wish to see him. He nearly destroyed me .. over and over and over.. and made me feel worthless. He lied, he was abusive, hurtful, nasty… now he realises what he’s lost.
You are currently going through a process.. one in which you’re lead by your heart. When she has broken you completely and you retreat to heal yourself, you might start thinking with your head.. you’ll have the trust and love crushed out of you maybe… but I know you have to do it at your own pace and no amount of good advice will stop you doing what your heart leads you to do. So just protect yourself, and have respect for yourself, because an addict damn sure won’t have any respect for you. She’s choosing drugs over you. You’re worth better fella x