Coco1212, I’m so so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend. How heartbreaking for you, especially at Christmas. I’m sure words cannot express how you feel at this sad time. Thinking of you.
His behaviour all sounds very positive. Sleeping, a bit moody, using your boys mobile, this sounds so positive. When does he leave and do you know where he’ll go yet? – hopefully he makes enough progress to keep up what he’s achieved so far.
I get that it’s so easy to feel suspicious of them. I do it all the time. When someone says one thing, then all too often does another, it’s hard to think they really mean what they say. I totally get that. It’s the same for me at the moment. My bf is making different decisions lately, yes, I think he did smoke it yesterday and possibly the day before that. He was ignoring my calls on Xmas day evening and after 4/5 days of not smoking it I was convinced he was on it. I told him on text how old it’s getting and how I’m so over all his habit. The next morning he told me he’d been asleep on silent, that I was wrong to doubt him, but he did go and do it only a day later. At which point I said and did nothing, I felt like I’d already got my point across.
Him smoking it again has now led to him to having no money, once again he literally spent all of what he made that day on crack as soon as he got the money. He asked me for money for something inexpensive to do with work, I gave him a flat NO way! and told him that sum isn’t beyond what he does earn in a day, it’s just a matter of prioritising how he spends it. He was all “yes yes” like shut up now, he got it. He’s not stupid, he knows I’m right. He has the means to buy what he wants and needs, if he didn’t spend it ALL on crack!
Beating the addiction is not going to be an overnight thing, but like you, I’ve seen changes, it’s not enough for me to think he’s beaten the addiction, but it’s a long way from where we were and where I thought he’d be, which is positive. Im trying hard to not be as suspicious all the time. I’m still defiant that there’s no place for his addiction in my life anymore, it’s up to him to make the choice as to what he wants. I think he sees that now. He doesn’t have control over me anymore, he knows that.
If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the ideal scenario for you and your kids? You’ll get a bit of space from your x now when he leaves, how do you feel about that? Xxx