oh trust me, yes I’ve been there. The sleepless nights, the heartache, the sadness, the frustration. When you love an addict, anger is your best friend. I used to do all that – catching him out, prove he’s lying.. find stuff to show he’s still using… I would try and track him down in drug dens, constantly ring his phone when I knew he was using – and even contacting him when I knew I’d get nothing but junk-fuelled abuse.
Can you maybe see the insanity of trying to catch a liar in a lie? They spend their lives lying, it’s second nature to them. You catching them changes nothing. We do it simply to prove to OURSELVES we know they are lying, because they are not going to admit to it. I’ve found drug numbers on my partner’s phone, showed him them and he’s STILL denied it. Please stop wasting your time expecting an addict to suddenly start being honest with you. One thing that helped me when I was breaking away was to keep saying to myself ‘not my problem’ … or look at it this way.. not my monkey, not my circus.
You have NO duty to her. NONE. ZERO. Mothers have walked away from addict sons.. because they cannot help them. Until the day (that may never come) that they admit they are an addict and want to change, we cannot change them or help them. Bailing them out of problems is enabling them and will only encourage further use.
I didn’t know when I would EVER walk away. Maybe I still haven’t. At one point I never thought I would. Ever. But very quickly I saw that he wasn’t going to change, and I realised I’d heard all the same excuses and lies before.. too many times. Right now, I have peace of mind, I sleep well, eat well and exercise. All of this is crucial to reclaiming your sanity and getting your life back. But I know only too well you are at your own stage of your journey and no one can push you along quicker. No one.
Try this little exercise for sleep… sit down each night before bedtime and list/express anything that is worrying/hurting you. Then acknowledge that you cannot change the things that are caused by others, but that you can change how you deal with them.. and send it all off into the universe. Let it float up like a prayer, and accept that a higher power will listen and deal with it in time.
Here if you need any advice or support. You are not alone. x