hi David,
when you understand the nature of addiction it makes it easier to accept a lot of things. You learn not to take it so personally, and it doesn’t hurt so much. But the facts are, an addict will always choose drugs over you. Always. And as long as they are doing drugs, you are wasting oxygen trying to reason and rationalise with them. You will drive YOURSELF insane.
I can guarantee you this though, she will get bored and try to reconnect with you. When she runs out of money, when she gets low, when the drugs wear off and reality starts flooding back and she feels guilty and lonely, she will reach out. And like a fool, a kind person things ‘Ahh, she does love me really.’
Your girlfriend sounds like she is a million miles away from even wanting to acknowledge that she has a problem. So right now, you are simply wasting your life and allowing it to make you deeply unhappy. May I give you a comparison?
I was with my partner through the ‘I don’t have a problem’ stage – to ‘I will get help one day’ – to where he is now.. waiting to go into a rehab centre and knowing he needs help. But guess what.. he is still using. Because that is the nature of addition. Two months ago, he tried to reconnect with me.. came to my leisure centre… I walked out. He texted me.. apologising for the abuse and for being so cruel.. I ignored him. He tried to call me. I didn’t answer. He will go quiet for a few days when he gets his drugs, uses.. then he runs out of money and reaches out again. It is a very common cycle – and they are using the people that love them as much as they are using the drugs.
She’s almost certainly doing coke, which is far more addictive that weed, and if she has no money that is your answer right there. You being there, doing things for her.. providing for her. You know what you’re doing? You are condoning her behaviour of you. You are saying you accept the way she is treating you. Thats the message you are sending out. ‘He will be back.’ ‘Click my fingers and he will come running.’
My partner has bombarded me with texts over xmas and new year – asking if I will be here after his rehab, and if I will please answer him.
I didn’t answer one single message or call. He will NEVER get the opportunity to abuse me again – sending me shitty messages and calling me names when he’s in a drugs comedown. NEVER AGAIN!
Whatever stage you are at right now David, keep going. Keep building on that strength and resolve. There is a better life out there for you (and me). A loving woman that will love you, support you, appreciate you, and give yoiu honesty and respect.
x