thanks thelostone and dre80.
of course I can see the logic in all this, that I am not being fair to myself by letting myself be treated this way,
but I guess its so hard to let go because its like I have 2 girlfriends, the addict and the person who seems like my other half, like we are meant to be,
letting go of the addict would be easy as I hate the addict, but because there is constant glimpses of the human it keeps me hooked.
the whole situation is so messed up, and because addicts are so good at twisting things and lying you almost think it is yourself that is at fault, so I guess that makes some sense of the blindness on the part of the kids, if I even have doubts myself then their mum’s words probably do make them believe the problem with the relationship is me being “up tight”.
its like “mum and David are arguing again because David is such a dick trying to control mum”, whereas trying to stop someone being controlled by addiction couldn’t be further from the truth,
I actually pointed out to her today that if I really was trying to control people surely I would be utilizing the controlling powers of drugs myself and be only too glad to have her under the control of a drug, this is after all how most cults work.
but there I go again trying to rationalize the irrational.
a few quotes that sum up the addict
“they would swear black is white”
“they would screw up paradise”.
yet I cant stop myself trying to reason with someone like this. grrrrr.