the sad thing is, I’ve been posting on here for well over a year, and if you check some of my previous posts you will see that I’ve written pretty much the things you’ve written above David.
For ‘two girlfriends’ find my post where I describe my partner as Dr Jeykll and Mr Hyde. Which is why it’s so sad and so difficult to let go. When he isn’t on drugs, my partner is loving, affectionate, reliable, funny.. he’s everything I fell in love with. Which is why I find it so pathetic when he tries to deny using drugs. Because I KNOW. I can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes.. I get a moody, aggressive, rude and arrogant fool.. a ghost. And he actually tries to deny what I can see with my own eyes.. lies in front of my face.
‘because addicts are so good at twisting things and lying you almost think it is yourself that is at fault’ – I don’t need to change any of those words. I’ve written them myself David. Feel like you’re going mad? That’s what they do. They believe their own lies and their own justifications, so you are WASTING OXYGEN. STOP ARGUING AND STOP TRYING TO RATIONALISE WITH AN ADDICT.
“they would swear black is white” – I’ve shown my partner his own phone, with his dealer’s number in it (again) after he changed his number and got rid of all his drug contacts. I showed him on his own phone the drug people.. he denied it.
What I can tell you is this.. what you are going through is perfectly normal for someone trying to love an addict. You’re not going mad. You are however outnumbered by your partner and her family, who are enabling and colluding in her drug use. So you have no chance. She is nowhere near wanting to acknowledge her addiction, which means she is a million miles away from wanting to stop and get help. She may NEVER want to stop – have you considered that? Because it doesn’t sound to me that she wants to stop, and if her own family are enabling her and condoning her, she certainly isn’t going to stop any time soon.
If you are waiting for the magical day when she will stop, get clean and everything will be happy, let me tell you – for most addicts, that day never comes. As I said, my partner (ex) is now waiting to go into rehab. Do I think he will stop? Will he come out and stay clean? Do I believe I’ll get my happy ever after? NO. I’ve heard too many lies, been disappointed too many times, abused more than I deserve and finally I’ve realised, I deserve better. I deserve respect and love and honesty – three things an addict is entirely incapable of giving – the drugs prevent that.
I hope you can find the steps to make the break away. You sound like a lovely man so the chances of you finding a loving partner are undoubtably there, and one day you’ll see that you deserve so much better.
It’s a big wide world out there… and a lot of people with love to give. x