Hi there,
I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. After such a long time, all that stands out to me is how strong and resilient you are and how you have always tried to make the best decision for your children and that is so admirable.
I am not quite in the same situation, as I have only been with my partner for 2 and a half years, but he has been drinking more and more this year and constantly lies to me and will not talk about anything or even address how he feels, how I feel, he doesn’t see it as a problem at all. I am already at a point where I don’t trust him, I feel like I am being taken for a fool and I want to leave, I am so angry with him but I feel so guilty about it.
I suppose the way I am coping at the moment is just taking it day by day, going along with whatever when he’s sober, ignoring him when he’s drunk and distracting myself with my own interests and work in between. It’s not ideal and like you, it’s not really practical to leave right now which is taking it’s toll on me emotionally as I am sure you are experiencing as well. I am trying to make some plans of what will happen when it becomes a bit more possible to leave really, and trying to manage the guilt and sadness and anger in between.
I don’t know if this helps but I hope you’re ok and remember how strong you are.
Take care x