Thanks so much for your response, it really means a lot. It’s such a tough one because I feel like I can really understand where it stems from, he absolutely has low self esteem and has not been treated well his whole life by his dad, his siblings and in other relationships. I always hoped I could be a more positive influence for him because I am a supportive person, I am cheerful and hopeful and ambitious but I just can’t compete with all the terrible things we’ve all been through in this past year.
How amazing that you son has been clean for 80 days! What an unbelievable achievement you must be so proud! I know there is so much support out there for him and he could get so far if he could just admit its a problem and take that step, I can only imagine how scary that would be for him, it just breaks my heart every day that he isn’t there and can’t seem to take that step.
Its the pure guilt I feel as you say, how can I leave him when he is like this, but also how much can I give before I have to put myself and my own future first. It’s just this cycle of sympathy and guilt and anger.
I do my best to try and show I love him and will support him, it’s just hard sometimes when it feels like every day he lies and dismisses everything. I suppose we’ll see what happens but I will keep trying.
Thank you again, it means a lot to know there is support out there and others who have similar experiences.