but the thing is David, her apparent split personality may not just be as a result of the drugs. Unless she stops taking them for any meaningful length of time, it’s difficult to know if it is the drugs causing this apparent change of character. I know myself that women can suffer alarming mood swings due to hormones alone, so maybe it’s not entirely down to drugs. However, it might be more productive to do less thinking about her and more thinking about yourself.
I can only re-emphasise to you where I was barely a year ago, and where I am now. I was in a place where I was chasing my partner down, calling him constantly (even when I knew he was using drugs and would be cruel and abusive), not eating, not sleeping, crying, suffering panic attacks and anxiety. I cannot really explain what happened. I think I took so much punishment my head just snapped and said ‘ENOUGH. NO MORE. THIS STOPS HERE!’
I’d say you never fully get closure with an addict, because it’s like a book with no ending. You wanted the happy ending and you are not going to get it. Even if they got clean, you can never really fully trust them again and you always live with that fear ‘what if they use again…’
But where I am today. My peace of mind is priceless. He’s tried contacted me. In fact I got a barrage of texts, and a couple of missed calls. I simply won’t do it anymore. I won’t give him a single opportunity to abuse me again. No. I’m worth more than that. I eat well, I sleep well. I keep fit. I still deal with him each day in my head, but I tell myself.. ‘let it go..’ whether it’s a good thought, a bad thought, a sad thought, an angry thought.. I just let it go. Splitting up with something is like grieving a death, only the person is still alive. But you have.. to.. let.. go. Particularly of someone who chooses drugs over you every single time.
Don’t you deserve someone to love you the way you love?