yes you are right there could be underlying mental health issues too,
but judging from the past I would say these are largely removed when she treats herself well.
drugs certainly bring about this change of character, and she knows all this, yet when she is possessed with drugs she is too weak to do anything about it.
Its the self destructiveness too, like she hates herself so much she sees no point in sorting things out,
you are so right about the book without an end, that is exactly what it is.
and the idea of grieving, I have said myself that I feel like I have spent a year grieving for her yet she isn’t actually dead, just the person I love within her has become less and less.
but I always still come back to this feeling of, doesn’t someone like this need the love and support of someone that is stronger than their weaknesses.
although at the same time I deserve to be treated better than she treats me and that will probably never change.
I’m glad you are managing to stay strong and not let him back into your life, I imagine in some ways this will get easier with time, like the longer you are apart the easier it gets, as I already feel over the past week like my mind is easing up, even if I do still think about it I am not all consumed like I have been.
typically, her Xmas present that has been lost in the post since November finally showed up this morning, for now its on display in my room as thankfully we have similar tastes so it’s something I like too