My husband was (is) a high functioning alcoholic. He held a top job for many years and always had a huge capacity for alcohol with very few signs of hangovers.
Things peaked for our family this year and a huge learning for me was that I had been enabling his behaviour all these years. A phrase I had never heard of before – I thought I was doing the best I could by trying to hold things together for the family but instead I was allowing it to happen. I too sighed with relief when he was asleep and therefore allowed us to function as an (I believed) normal family.
When it came to a head this year my daughters told me they couldn’t believe I’d put up with it for so many years. They were cross with me for allowing it (and whilst sad I am grateful our frank conversations allowed that level of honesty between us). They commented – as had my parents – that whilst he has never been physically abusive he isn’t nice when he has been drinking and particularly not to me. His drinking has had a massive impact on all of us and I am desperately sad to see the affect it has had on our children.
I am still stuck in a limbo but am gradually realising that nothing is changing and the only thing that can change if I want to take some control of my life is my actions and what I decide to do from now. But it is really scary – and I don’t have children at home. I think the comments and questions that deficientoptimism posed are really useful.
I am mid fifties and have been married for nearly 25 years, a friend told me this year that she hopes more than anything I will choose my happiness going forward.
I am blown away by others stories on this forum and have found it immensely supportive, I hope you too find some support on these pages.
With best wishes