It really gets me down too. I have also been through that self doubt, and for me, having hope and faith every time things might start slightly looking up only for it to be shattered after 1 or 2 days is exhausting and draining. I get caught up being so annoyed and angry at myself a lot of the time, as well as the guilt. I am trying to kind of focus on me at the moment and remember that I am human, it’s ok for me to feel what I feel and it’s ok to want to put myself and my future first. It’s ok if I don’t want to use every single resource I have to try and get through this. His addiction is an illness yes, but he can also choose to take responsibility for it and there is so much help and support out there for him to access, and he knows I will be there by his side to help him do it.
Hearing some of you talking about your partners having gone to rehab and spent many months sober, for me that sounds like such a positive thing, but I can also see how it is so heartbreaking when they relapse. But just seeing how your partners at some point could get help, that does give me some hope because my partner at the moment, he can’t even say that it’s a problem at all. I don’t know if he genuinely doesn’t believe it’s a problem, or if he knows it is but just can’t face having to admit it, but it’s just the hardest thing because I feel like I am stuck here in square one and we haven’t been able to venture forward at all yet.
You are all so strong and I hope you can all find time for yourselves, look after yourselves and I am so grateful to come onto the forum every day and have this support x