thanks for being there to try and share that strength with others like me.
I do need to try and follow your example, and maybe I will,
maybe she won’t ever try and make things better and I will have no choice but to get over it.
It is so much like grieving, as the person you love isn’t there anymore.
When I think of her I am just full of sadness like she is lost and gone and I just can’t get her back.
And I know that she has hurt me so much that I shouldn’t even want her back but I can’t help it.
Part of me thinks she doesn’t want to hurt me but she knows herself well enough to know that she will , and that she knows she cannot stop herself hurting me so therefore she will let me go now as a way of setting me free, but as we have said, I cannot really be free because you never get closure.
Like half the time she will think she doesn’t deserve me and I think has issues with that and she thinks she isn’t good enough, so rather than worry about me one day waking up and leaving her, she instead causes all the drama and it keeps me running back and reassures her that she has got me.
But now she sees she has broken me too much and she won’t allow herself to be vulnerable, all this messed up mental health mixed with drug use and the conflict within her of wanting more drugs which are only further messing up her head just doesn’t make a good situation.
as for your partner,
does he know where you live? and did you ever live together.
I’m surprised he isn’t turning up at your door all the time.
Is the leisure centre your work place or do you mean he turned up there because he knew your routine? either way its really not the place for it.