it is a tough one with abandonment issues
I’m sure she does have them, but you don’t know all the details of the past to know both sides of the story for why people abandoned them.
And with drug addicts I am sure people leaving is quite a normal part of their life as they are driving everyone away.
so its a bit, which came first? chicken or the egg in that way.
She didn’t speak to her brother,sister,mum or dad when I first met her and over the years we were together she has got back into talking with all of them,
and though they might not be faultless I think they do care about her, but she is so hard to care about if she will then constantly hurt you.
so did they abandon her and cause her to behave like this, or did she behave like she is to me and left them no choice but to abandon her in the same vein as me, hoping that by showing her what she stands to lose she will open her eyes. so effectively trying to do it for her own good.
She does of course say they turned their backs on her when she needed them the most.
The other problem is by being with someone with these issues, she is giving me a whole set of my own issues.
I will obviously always feel insecure within the relationship and paranoid its all going to come crumbling down etc.
So I will also have trust issues, like never being able to trust her not to destroy everything.
Cant trust her not to hurt me over and over, In fact its the opposite, hurting me again is one thing I can count on.
I’m quite sure she feels she doesn’t deserve me, I have always tried to say of course she does, everyone deserves to be happy and its not all one way, I have grown a lot as a person too and she has helped me in many ways too,
she deserves to be loved, I don’t deserve to be hated.
She just cannot let herself be happy, and I guess that is the problem with addicts, they are just hellbent on destruction.
I think they all must hate themselves to some degree so they just cannot handle someone not hating them and have to try and make you hate them as much as they hate themselves.
she even often says how guilty she feels for the past, how selfishly she bought the kids up on drugs etc, and I try and say, you can’t change the past only the future, but then she does it all over again, the very thing she feels guilty about, yet doing it more numbs the guilt, it really is insane.
I’m glad to hear your partner respects not turning up at your flat, that is quite surprising that he would have that level of self control.
Also surprised to learn he works out, or does sometimes, I guess that’s not happening when he’s using.