‘they turned their backs on her when she needed them the most’ – that’s a common thing for an addict to say. Usually what’s happened is they have absolutely pushed you away and drove you to your limit. No decent human being walks away from the person they love, more so a mother.. it takes a lot to give up on someone.
All addicts have some form of self loathing. That is for certain. I remind myself that a person that clearly doesn’t care for themselves is incapable of caring for anyone else. Why else would they hurt you, over and over again. And think an apology covers it, makes it all alright?
My partner has a good level of control.. well.. there’s no benefit to him turning up at my flat. In fact he has said I would only turn him away and ‘I am not a masochist.’ So it’s more about his own pride and cowardice. When I wanted him to fight for me, he was nowhere to be seen. He left me crying on my bed, while he went off to use drugs. It’s nothing personal, it’s addiction. But it’s hard not to take it personally.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. That is us David. With our addicts.