yeh I wish it was easy to just turn my head off,
I’m a real thinker though in general.
an over thinker probably.
very passionate and opinionated and maybe take things to heart more than many would, and care about things on a symbolic level too,
I wish I could turn all this off, but its just how I am, and when I am like this I am consumed by it so it makes it hard to do anything,
I’ve read a couple of pages of a book today but its hard to take words in when you are elsewhere.
I actually have to go to work a bit next week so that might be a good thing as it will force me to be occupied.
really doesn’t help the whole lockdown etc as it makes it hard to really do much.
earlier in the year during an “break/give each other space” before I knew about the coke etc (I always knew she did it in the past and had done it a few times recently at this point) and was just confused by what was happening with her personality I actually had a bit of space from her and drove from john o groats to lands end.
this was really nice for a while as it was something I had joked about doing for years, and because we weren’t suppose to contact each other I just had myself and a road and loud music and felt quite peaceful, especially when I arrived at john o groats.
but by the next day as I was at Gloucester services, so a good way down to lands end, she had txt me saying she had done coke last night and her whole face was in pain etc, she was in a bad way all week and I actually thought after this she would be scared of doing coke again.
well I carried on with my drive and completed my mission, but lets just say my feeling of peace at john o groats was no longer in place at lands end.
maybe I need to go out and do it all again without looking at my phone this time ha.