yeh when we met 7 years ago she was smoking weed all day every day and didn’t have a job or anything, she also was snorting coke at this time too but I don’t think I knew the extent of it then.
and after about a year together she did eventually sort herself out as she moved away from the dealer and seemingly seeing the pressure it put on our relationship and being around someone like me made her behavior not seem acceptable.
for quite a few years I believe she was being good and staying away from it all, and got back working etc and we have done a lot and tried to have a good life,
but then the year before last she seemed to be drinking wine all the time.
and then last year the coke came back up and was clearly taking her in completely and she was lying endlessly and running into thousands of pounds worth of debt.
I since feel that she has had previous trouble with coke at various times, I would say last year was at least her 4th bad period on it, with the third period being when we first met.
so she knows the danger she is in with it as she has previously overcome it multiple times, yet I think after a long time without something people start to tell themselves that they are strong enough to “choose” to do it now and then, and of course that just lets it straight back in.
so both weed and coke have been detrimental to her and the kids lives, which is why it is so unbelievable how things have panned out, and in the end drugs have won and destroyed everything.
when I first met her and her son with 8 I believe she had been a daily weed smoker for all of his life and the way she behaved and the environment he grew up in will of course have had a huge effect on his development.
I think I was about the first person to come into the families lives that didn’t have a drug problem or a criminal record.
so with all this in mind, maybe I was foolish to think that I could try and show them that life doesn’t have to be like this and that it shouldn’t be regarded as normal.
and life doesn’t have to be just misery.
also like I’ve said, my girlfriend when she isn’t in the grip of drugs would feel terrible about all these things and will be so sorry about the past, but just not sorry enough not to do it all again.
so all this in mind and how unstable my girlfriend was and how messed up her life was before we met and how erratic her mood swings used to be etc, is why surely most people looking in would think what is happening now is complete madness,
that I have stuck by her through everything and helped turn their lives around and done nothing but support them all, and she is willing to just shit on me like this and make me feel like I have been thrown away.
I’m quite sure her mum etc are thankful that I seemed to bring about all this change in her life, her mum would even say stuff to the effect of how nice it is to have her daughter back again.
despite all this hurt and anger I feel, all I am desperate for is her to realise she is messing up and sort her life out and for her to actually give me the apology I deserve.
she does say she is sorry I am upset etc, but like your partners apologies, you get the impression that it isn’t deep, they don’t understand what they have done so how can they actually give you the apology you are owed.
its nearly 7 years since we met (this month) and I just feel like she has run a full cycle and things are nearly as bad now as when we met 7 years ago, and if she is getting back into drugs bad then things will only be getting worse and worse,
like she has a job now, but if she starts having the attitude she has with me at work in a school that obviously wont end well.
or if they get any idea of what she is doing/smell weed on her clothes etc.
its actually quite silly that schools and jobs that do dbs back ground checks don’t actually do routine drug tests on staff, I mean whats the point in checking your staffs past but not keeping an eye on what they are doing now