Hi, I can promise you, it is not you, your fault or because of anything you have done. He is an addict. He is the only one that can save himself. My husband has a cocaine addiction, uses about once a week, and it changes his personality completely, I also have two sons who are not aware. My husband has been in counselling for 2 years, but I am having conversations with him now about joining rehab of some sort. I totally relate to the feeling of exhaustion and hopelessness. I have been trying to distance myself from his habit, as it is his addiction not mine, it’s tough when his choices impact my life so much.
You must put yourself own mental health first. Could you maybe see a counsellor to help you? I did for a few months, I found it very hard to tell anyone about his addiction as I felt so ashamed.
Take care & remember you’re not alone x