Hi Anon, really sorry to read your post. I can relate in some ways, sadly not with others. I do understand how confusing it must all be, that not knowing what will happen. Do you know how long he’s been doing the coke for? Is he a drinker, if you don’t mind me asking and does he just do it off the knuckles, or does it smoke it too?
Are you managing to take care of yourself and your kids? To me, the question isn’t will he change, for me the question is will you?
With my bf, I do now have a level of acceptance that there isn’t some magic normal for us waiting at the end of a struggle where his life is drugs free and we’re happy. What we have right now/have had for some years is our normal, his addiction impacts him and us in varying degrees. Less so (thankfully) since he’s got older, but lockdown and covid has impacted us/him majorly.
Aside from the drugs issue, please please consider how binding a marriage is and ask yourself – “why do I want to get married” and to please be real with yourself, nothing wrong with that. You already have children (which can be one reason a couple gets married), so do you want to do it because you want a wedding? If you’re paying for everything, I urge you to be cautious, nothing wrong with waiting a bit. As someone who was married, i know that whatever horrible situation you think you’re in facing a drugs issue with your fiancée, having to walk away from a marriage is unimaginably and unpredictably hard. I’m not suggesting marriage is the wrong thing, I’m just saying, being uncertain about him and his addiction is perhaps not a strong foundation for a marriage, I urge you to be careful xx