Thanks Coco, you’re so right too. The not sharing for the sake of being judged, the suffering in silence every time they disappear.
After 18 years do you think you’ll ever get back together, what’s next for you personally do you think? Do you ever think about yourself? (I’m not trying to pry here, please don’t share if that’s too personal).
It’s tricky to say how long we’ve been together, he’s done a lot of time in prison, 4 times, 12 years in total, we’ve been together solidly since he last came out in ‘18, i got married in between, that failed. I refuse to be a ‘prison wife’, I dread losing him to that again, but he’s on a different page now, he’s been doing all he can to change things, I’ve supported that massively. It really is time to just get on with life, that’s where we’ve been at pre-covid. Most might consider him a very bad man, which is why some of my friends have never liked him, but he didn’t get the best start in life, really suffered and was guided to a criminal path instead of a legal one. He’s such a clever guy, really smart, we have very similar personalities, even though we are complete polar opposites, I am the small quiet one, never committed criminal act, he’s totally the opposite. When we’re together, we’re great, we bounce off each other. It’s always the in between when we’re apart neither of us are good, which is what’s happening again at the moment I think. I suppose I have changed in that I’m not backing down. It’s always me who backs down and says sorry weather I’m the bad guy or not, and as you may/may not be able to tell, I’m not into arguments, I’m terrible at it for a start, I have mostly just let things wash over me in the past, but this time, I just don’t feel I should. I’ve fort for him sooo much these past few years, waiting for him to do the same and never quite getting there, all the while believing he will. I guess I’ve lost a chunk of hope really and I’m at the point where I think, I still have time to start again. Just. I just don’t want to.
I have no idea what will happen next, I’ve not been like that before. No objective I suppose.
I can’t imagine what this all sounds like. Keep safe xxx