Hi kjs
Just read your post – sorry to hear you’re going through this nightmare.
One thing you should bare in mind, if your partner is wanting to get help for his withdrawals from a drug help agency which I believe is CGL he will need to have heroin in his system for the test otherwise they will not prescribe him meth, subutex or suboxone. So he would have to use for this and isn’t lying.
Bloody ridiculous tbh so even if he had managed to stay clean but was suffering from withdrawals/mental cravings he would have to use gear in order to get on script!
In my experience, taking away gear from someone who is desperate to use can be a very dangerous thing to do although I completely understand your rage.
My ex partner is a heroin addict and is also on script with methadone. Sadly with meth, if they are not on enough addicts tend to do both and for him tapering down from heroin was frankly impossible. My ex is an IV heroin user and all I can say is at least your partner is still just smoking it – IV is a whole different ball game although my ex started by smoking it.
In my experience, getting angry or making them feel guilty only makes things worse even if you cannot help your natural reactions to the lies and secrecy. Like Jaynhissay has said as a recovering addict, what helped her was the ability to be able to talk to her mum and explain what was going through her mind when she so desperately craved the drug even if her mum didn’t really understand the pull. I guess just being able to talk to someone you trust without judgement, anger and ultimatums is a form of therapy for the addict and may be enough to distract them until the feeling passes.
All that being said, It depends on the individual and how genuinely they want to stop. I tried so hard to listen to my ex and he said it really helped but sometimes some of the things he did made me so bloody angry and hurt that I could not help but lose it! With addicts, their words very rarely mirror their actions – if he is genuine about wanting to get on script (which does help many users) then support him to get an appointment but he will have to have heroin in his system for this first meeting with the doctor. Also be aware, coming off of these replacement therapy drugs, the withdrawals are far worse and go on far longer than that of heroin. They were supposed to be prescribed as a very short term drug to help with the initial withdrawals. My advice would be to use whichever one they suggest simply for that, so as not to get addicted … addicts don’t call meth liquid handcuffs for no reason! After the heroin is out of the system 7-10 days the rest is all about the mental obsession and for that he will need proper support with meetings, counselling CBT whatever he finds works for him by trial and error. If he commits to getting proper help with the mental side of his addiction then he will have far more chance of staying off the drug. My ex has in the past managed to stay clean for a couple of weeks but never addressed the reasons why he wanted to use … the triggers if any, even the fundamentals such as people, places and things. I would delete drug numbers from his phone but that was pointless because he could always find them again or a new dealer.
Cold turkey from heroin, unlike alcohol or benzos is not dangerous only acutely uncomfortable. It is the fear of the withdrawals that makes it so frightening and hard for those who want to stop. My ex would panic even at the slightest sign of discomfort preempting the withdrawals before actually experiencing any real symptoms. Coming off heroin cold turkey is truly not for the faint hearted but it will not kill the addict. Watching someone go through heroin withdrawals is shocking and I wouldn’t ever wish that kind of distress even on my worst enemy.
I am so glad you have joined this site Jaynhissay, your post re your mum made me cry and also gave me hope for my ex. Even though we are not together now, I still care from afar and would welcome any advice on how you handled fighting that devil on your shoulder. Keep up the fight and really well done you xx