And Ps kjs – you have to decide whether you have the strength to commit yourself to being with someone you will never fully trust for the rest of your time with him. Trust is absolutely paramount in any relationship and being with an active heroin addict or indeed a recovering one will always render you anxious and suspicious when they are late or not answering their phone even for genuine reasons not related to using.
It is a battle that you will both be fighting together and I did it for 5 years and truly regret not getting out sooner. I am not saying that it is not possible for them to get clean because it is and some go on to live fulfilling lives with partners and children too. However, I am no longer the person I was before I met my ex and it has changed my relationship with my friends and family. I should never have allowed my choice to remain in the chaos to impact on them because it was a battle I could never ever win. Your partner is the General and he is the only one who can change the course of events in this fight – nothing you do including throwing away his drugs will make any difference unless he wants to get clean.
I was a very strong and happy person before I met him and I was financially secure with lots of friends I saw regularly. Little by little you lose yourself with the constant suspicion, false hopes only to be let down, and mostly the God awful lies and you end up turning into a person you no longer recognise or want to be.
You need to decide if you can handle this situation and have the strength to put yourself through this journey with him. There is a reason why they tell recovering addicts to stay out of relationships until they have sorted themselves out first for at least a year clean. When you love someone deeply it is so hard to take a step back because you fear if you do their life will fall apart or worse die alone in some hell hole. I certainly became a co dependent each and every day allowing my life to become subject to the choices he made and never thinking about my needs and happiness. All my efforts and generosity both financially and emotionally were never appreciated and the lack of gratitude was sole destroying.
Having the strength to finally call it a day was the hardest thing I ever had to do but him kicking my front door in whilst in the throws of withdrawals was the final straw. I still miss him but I am slowly getting me back and the peace is absolutely wonderful 🙂
Remember the Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference
Might not be word perfect but you’ll get the message there
I hope things get better for you x