Hey Jay!
Thanks for your response. Fantastic you have full custody of your son and taking on the teaching role too … a gold star for you most definitely!
Yes, after 25 years you’d have thought my ex would be sick and tired of being sick and tired but a lot of his problem is to do with mental health issues now as well as the need to get well. He said it’s all about the whole ritual of scoring, the anticipation even the cooking up and as an IV user massively to do with the self-harming.
His brother was only 2 years older than him and they both caned the weed at a very young age. And yes, so true it was unbelievably disgusting of his brother but essentially they were both just kids with too much time on their hands. And therein lies the problem for many addicts to get off the gear and stay off it even after the physical withdrawals have passed – boredom and too much easy cash courtesy of the taxpayer! My ex had his housing paid for as well as receiving £1000 a month pocket money – no job and nothing to do all day but get high. The only exercise his arms achieved would be lifting up a strong brew beer to his mouth most of the day and multi tasking with the perpetual roll ups that when sufficiently ‘monged’ would end up peppering my floor in gay abandon – I always remember thinking that he would have benefitted from being blessed with a few more orifices so he could be hands free to bang up at the same time!
And I don’t blame him for what has happened to me as a result of staying with him for so long. What was wrong with me that made me stay? If he had been my child I could never have given up like so many mum’s on this site although I did constantly kick him out and like a little boomerang the little fu**er kept coming back! We did have a really good laugh together and underneath that mess is a very beautiful person. That being said, I think if he wants to come back to something close to the man he was supposed to be he needs to remain single until he sorts himself out. The pressure and expectations that straight people have (by straight I mean not on gear) with relationships is challenging enough but for my ex, aka nob head, even committing to mowing the lawn would result in his wellies being thrown over my fence into the neighbour’s garden.
Anyway, I’m okay Jay and before long I will be back to dancing in the kitchen with a glass (that’s optimistic) of red listening to cheesy music and wishing my ex all the very best in life. Hanging on to bitterness and anger is self-defeating and I’m better than that I do believe 🙂 I love the poem ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling – I had it on my desk at work back in the day before I had kids and it’s fairly applicable now.
You hang on in there dad and if you need any advice … I’m your man! x