Thank u Liberty and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through similar with your partner. I totally understand the feeling of grief. I am definitely going through the same. I always a say this woman is not my mum, the drugs and alcohol have made her into someone else entirely. There is an amazing woman under there somewhere but I haven’t seen her in such a long time and don’t know when (or if) I’ll see her again and I totally would describe this feeling as grieving.
I spoke to someone online a few weeks ago in a similar situation to me but whose mum actually died of a heroin overdose a few years ago. She said when her mum passed away she felt numb and didn’t even cry. Her therapist said that was because she had grieved whilst her mum was still alive and had been preparing for the death. That is definitely something I can relate to and I’m sure you can too. This explains why I feel such dispair and sadness.
I understand what you say about the inconsistency of care and sense of rejection… one minute they’re sorry and want to be around you the next they reject you and couldn’t care less. I know it’s the addiction that makes them do this but it’s so cruel. It hurts so much. I dint know about you but my mums addictions have caused me so many mental health problems myself. I have so many issues that I relate to those experiences. When I look at the list of typical attributes of an adult child of an addict I tick every box.
I know of a few people that have managed to get and stay clean, but like you say it has to come from the person and our hands are tied… it’s a horrible position to be in.
I hope your boyfriend manages to break the cycle and that you can find peace xxx