Thank you for posting your story which i found so sad to read. You sound so strong after all you’ve been through and I’m sorry you’re feeling low and alone today.
I work for a charity called Icarus Trust which works with families aroun those with addictions. if you feel it would be helpful to talk with someone please contact us and you can be put in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are our experienced trained people who are very good listeners and would let you know what other support there is for you. may be talking with one of them would help you not to feel so alone.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.