cool so how long will he be in rehab for, and what is you intention when he gets out.
I posted a few pages back the latest in my story, but it kept getting blocked, so by the time it finally came through we had a couple more pages of messages.
that said, since then, getting all my stuff from her house etc, I didn’t think we would speak at all, but in fact she has been in touch a lot.
I feel like something has changed within me though, I guess time has helped, as you can’t stay the same level of angry or upset etc indefinitely
I now feel a certain kind of acceptance of things I think.
Like I know it is completely out of my control to try and remove her desire for drugs, and where before I was attempting to control that, now I don’t.
I have met up with her a couple of times, and avoided arguing and she acts like everything is fine in her life, but obviously the fact that she has completely submitted to weed on a daily basis now and I have my suspicions that she is doing coke too, pretty much speaks for how fine things really are.
I think I now understand how big a part self deception plays in their lives though, and with less of me around it is easier for her to deceive herself.
Like she is doing drugs but also decorating the bedroom, and doing lots of baking and going on walks etc, so she has positive things too, but I’m sure in her head this is all just part of the balancing act of convincing herself that she is ok because she is doing positive things too, but really its over compensating.
And I think the main task in their heads is figuring out how to manage with drugs, rather than realising that they should be trying to manage without drugs,
since finding this weird acceptance though I feel like I don’t even spend much time thinking about any of it anymore, Its almost like a weight is lifted from me really, as in some ways not only am I no longer trying to deal with her addiction, but I am no longer a pretend parent etc, I no longer have any responsibility to anyone else.
Its like I am the old me again ha.
Also, I read a bit about codependency relationships, and can see how in some ways it was like I had become like that, and its funny as research into that would normally look at historic traumas that make people this way, yet I am quite sure in my case it wasn’t anything historic, it was the present situation, being the partner to an addict, and the changes it makes on all of us because of what we are dealing with.