Hello,
I’m so sorry you are having to go through chemo and hope this is all going well.
This is exactly the same with my ex, he is the sort of ‘ring leader’ as he has everyone round to his house and if he just didn’t do that then they wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s so frustrating. I’ve personally never taken anything (except alcohol), so I find it difficult to understand the hold it has on him, especially when he feels horrendous and it takes him 2 days a time to fully recover.
I also get the cycle of him being very loving to extremely reactive/defensive, where he acts like I’m trying to argue with him over absolutely nothing. For example, I once joked that that it took him so long to text me back that it was ‘the worlds longest reply’. I was clearly having a joke with him and he completely kicked off, saying I was picking at him again and nothing he ever does is good enough. I was just always walking on eggshells but he tried to turn this around and say he has to watch what he says to me.
You have done 2 months without him and that is amazing. The more time the goes on, the stronger you will feel about it and the self love will come with that. I’m also working on my self esteem as I seem to attract men who treat me badly in one way or another (my previous boyfriend before this one cheated on me multiple times).
Again, I’m here if you need to chat. It’s hard when people don’t understand your situation as they’re not directly affected.
Take care,
Laura x