Hi Februraymarie,
Firstly I’m so sorry you are going through this. Whilst I cannot fully relate to this as I have an alcoholic father not a son, I still read your post and understood so much of what you are saying. It sounds like you are doing exactly the right thing to me, the worst thing we can do as loved ones with someone with an addiction is to enable them (even though it is the most natural thing for us to do which is why it is SO ridiculously hard to cut that cycle).
It sounds like your son does need to hit his rock bottom for him to have a chance of recovery, I know this from my Dad’s situation. He started engaging with services and showing signs of recovery when I got him removed from his elderly mums home, however unfortunately she took him back in and is in complete denial about his drinking and therefore enables him everyday and because of this he is the worst he has ever been.
Up until a few months ago I was starting to struggle with my mental health because of it, but I started going to art therapy (sounds a bit hippy dippy but honestly is one of the best things I have ever done!) I also started attending a monthly support group which is local to me for people affected by a loved ones drinking and this has also been amazing, hearing others in the same situation and being able to learn so much from them. I know from the group the people who are doing the best and have sons in recovery are those who have shown ‘tough love’.
I really admire how you are dealing with this and I really think you should be proud of how strong you are being! You need to start putting yourself first as also you can’t help anyone if you’re not in a fit state yourself.
Sending you all the love,
Natalie