Hello,
I’m sorry to read of your dad’s problems with alcohol, how ill he is and how thsi makes you feel. I’m so glad that you’ve found this forum as you will see that there are many people having to cope with the same sorts of issues as you. if you would like more support please contact us at The Icarus Trust. we are a charity that offers support to the families around those with addictions as we know hpw hard this can be. If you get in touch you could speak with one of our family friends who will tell you what support is available. Maybe speaking to one of them will help you to make some sense of how you are feeling.
You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.